I am now officially home from Mexico. I said it before and I’ll say it again, those 10 weeks flew by.
It’s so weird to find myself back in my hometown, as if I was picked up by my shirt collar and dropped back into my old life. My head is full of new thoughts and ideas. My eyes have been opened a little wider. Leaving the village was difficult. It was hard to say goodbye to many new friends. Part of me felt that I was leaving right when things were starting. But, I trust God’s timing and I feel ready to start the next chapter in this crazy life of mine. In January I will be moving, and I will start a new job. I will grow in my new skills as a Physician Assistant. I am excited to learn. I am excited for new experiences. I am excited to carry what I learned in Mexico to a different type of missionary field. God has been teaching me that we are called to serve Him wherever we go. Which could mean loving families in Mexico or smiling at the person next to you at the gas station or listening to a patient and giving them medical advice. I would like to thank you all for joining this journey of mine. Thank you for the well wishes, the letters, the emails, the financial support, the prayers and the thoughts that carried me through my trip. I am amazed at the kindness of my family and friends. ...My mexico chapter is closed...for now.
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I’m on a beach, the sun is hot, and the sand is warm…I can hear the sound of the ocean waves crashing” … I shook myself back to reality. No, I wasn’t on a hot beach, I was standing in a tiny room made of sticks and mud, my body shivering from the extreme cold. It was one of the coldest days of the year, I had on every warm piece of clothing I brought with me - leggings, jeans, long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, sweater, coat, 2 pairs of socks, boots – yet I could not get warm. I looked around the room and stared at the women in skirts, bare legs, no socks, flats covered in cold wet mud. Shawls instead of coats. A child was bundled up in blankets, yet I noticed her bare feet were sticking out. Suddenly I didn’t feel too cold. We were all gathered together to remember a baby that died the year before. The doctor spoke some encouraging words to the family, reminding them that even though the situation was sad, we can rejoice knowing the baby is in a better place. After the message and some hymns, we consumed hot coffee and tamales. I have never been so happy in my life to have hot coffee and tamales. I greedily ate the food and let it warm my insides. After our meal, we headed outside into the bleak, misty weather. We piled into the bed of the truck and braced the wind as we drove to the cemetery. I gripped the side of the truck with frozen hands, stared at the feet of the other women, and was once again thankful that I had put on 2 pairs of socks. Once we arrived at the cemetery, we sang some more hymns and laid a cross at the place where the baby was buried a year ago. The event was supposed to be a time to celebrate and remember the life of the baby, but the air was heavy, and my heart went out to the mother. Nothing was comfortable about the event, in fact I was pretty miserable… but I fought hard to suppress my feelings, knowing the mother and family felt much worse than I did. I wanted to escape it all and go into my thoughts, into my happy place. But I knew I needed to be present in the moment, take it all in, and feel the pain of those around me. Life is full of joyful moments and difficult moments, but no matter what happens we can look to God. He is our only hope. I know the mother was sad, remembering her lost child, but I am thankful that she has God and can look to Him for comfort. This trip has been full of ups and downs. Through it all I continue to trust God. I am thankful for my time here and for my experiences. Every day I learn more about myself, the goodness of God, and what the life of a missionary really looks like. Updates:
- Clinic: The clinic has been pretty busy. Lots of children with diarrhea. It’s been very interesting to learn how to differentiate between the many causes of diarrhea…is it viral, bacterial, or a parasite? After seeing a few patients with the doctor, I was able to see a child all by myself. I examined him, decided the most likely cause of his diarrhea was a parasite, and provided him with medication! That was a very exciting moment for me. There have also been a lot of patients with colds recently, which always confuses me because it is usually warm and sunny here! I guess the one week of freezing cold got everyone sniffling and coughing for weeks. - English Classes: Classes are going well! I still really enjoy teaching the students! Last week we taught them how to say “I am cold” which was very appropriate for that day. This week, the doctor was busy, so I taught the class ALONE! I was so afraid but also excited. I decided to talk about Thanksgiving since it was on Thursday. I asked the class if they knew what Thanksgiving was and most of the students said they didn’t. I explained to them that it was a day to give thanks and spend time with family. I taught them how to say, “I am thankful for…” and helped them translate what they were thankful for into English - “life, food, a home, family, friends and God”. It was such a fun experience, even though it was a little crazy with 30 energetic students in each class! I only have one more English class, and I am very sad to say goodbye to the students. Before I ended my solo class, I took a moment to tell the students I was very proud of them and that they needed to keep practicing English. I told them that I was not perfect at Spanish, but I still tried to speak the language. I reminded them that it’s okay to make mistakes. I hope my time with the students encouraged them and gave them a bit more confidence to speak English. - Public Health Project: The project is off to a great start. We visited a few more homes in the past couple of weeks and discovered just how big this project is. It takes about 3 hours just to visit one home and speak with the family. I am still enjoying the project a lot. Although the people are skeptical at first, by the end of our visit they are smiling and happy we stopped by. And sometimes when I see them walking down the street later in the week, they greet me with a smile! During our visits, we have come across quite a few people with serious medical needs but were afraid to seek care. We were able to examine them and provide medical advice and medicine. In addition to house visits, I have been working on a database to store the information that we collect from the project. So far, we have completed about 8 homes, and there are still many many homes left to visit in the village. I am a little disappointed because I know we will not finish the project before I leave, but I am thankful I had to opportunity to help get the project off the ground. I only have 2 weeks left in Mexico. I am so excited to see my family and friends. Oh how I have missed them dearly. I can’t wait to celebrate the holidays with them and share my stories. But leaving is bittersweet. I’ve worked hard to develop relationships with the young women and it’s difficult to leave just as our friendships are blossoming. I’m going to miss the English classes and the students- I never thought I would enjoy teaching, but it is definitely a new desire on my heart. I will miss playing with the band at the church and encouraging others to sing even when they think they can’t. I will miss sitting at the kitchen table each morning with the family that opened their home to me; eating granola and talking about a variety of topics that range from the Muppets to the Bible. I will miss sitting around fires, eating something made of corn and listening to conversations I only half understand. And I will miss my time working in the clinic and using medicine to connect with the villagers. In my heart, I knew this would happen. I knew I would fall in love with Mexico and the people and want to stay longer. But I also know that everything happens for a reason and that God is somehow orchestrating my life and future. I trust that He has a plan…who knows what the future may hold? But for now, I am excited to see my family and then to start a new job in the new year. Life moves so quickly, and I truly believe each moment counts; the mundane and the adventure. I know that purpose and true happiness only comes from knowing Jesus and trusting Him. Blessings and Love! There is no feeling like sitting in the back of a pickup truck as it drives through the winding mountain roads. Gripping the side of the truck for dear life as the wind blows in your face. Pitch black night. Gazing up at the millions of stars you’ve never seen this clearly before, tracing the milky way with your fingers. The smell of hot sauce lingering as the other passengers consume popcorn covered in the red spicy salsa. Feeling peace after a day full of church. Letting the worries fade and embracing the fleeting moment. It’s in these moments where I sense the goodness of God. Knowing deep in my heart that He is real and has a purpose for my life. That He is real and has a purpose for the lives around me. I know I’m here for a reason, although I might not quite understand it. Quick Updates: - English Classes: The classes are going very well. Every time I walk onto the schoolyard, I hear my name being called from every direction. The students are becoming used to me and have opened up a little more. I’ve started teaching lessons on the sounds that each vowel makes. Preparing for these lessons makes me realize how confusing the English language can be! - Clinic: I’ve had the chance to see a few patients alone, which is very exciting as a new grad, however challenging due to the language barrier. I enjoy working together with the doctor and I am constantly learning more and more. We treat diseases that I haven’t encountered before, such as parasitic infections and dysentery, along with familiar chronic diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes, and heartburn. Every day is something different and I treasure the opportunity to practice my new medical knowledge. - BIG UPDATE: This week we started a public health project. This project entails visiting every home in the village and creating a medical record for each member of the household. First, we ask questions about their living situation such as what type of material their house is made of, what kind of food they eat, where they get their water from, if they have animals, and how many people live in their house. Then, we ask about their medical history, such as family history of heart attack, stroke, diabetes, etc. and if they themselves have any medical issues. Next, I weigh each patient and measure their height. I then check their blood pressure, temperature, oxygen, heart rate, and respiration rate. We are only a few days into this project, but I really enjoy it. I think it is so cool to have the opportunity to enter each home in the village. I love being able to use medicine to meet new people and learn about their culture. I look forward to seeing how this project develops over the next couple of weeks. Story Time: The other day a middle-aged woman entered the clinic. When we asked her how we could help, she replied that she was having trouble sleeping. As medical providers, we knew that “trouble sleeping” usually isn’t the problem, but the real issue is why they aren’t sleeping. We asked if she had racing thoughts or felt anxious when she tried to fall at night. As she attempted to answer I observed her actions. I noticed that she wouldn’t make direct eye contact and that she was wringing her hands. “I’m not sure” she replied. “Are you afraid or worried about something?” we asked. She nodded gently. We decided to give her some medicine that would help her fall asleep a little easier at night, but we informed her that the only thing that would fix her sleeplessness would be to deal with the root of the problem. She would need to figure out why she felt anxious and fearful and address that. We asked if we could pray with her and she said yes. As the doctor prayed in Spanish and I quietly prayed in English, the patient began to cry. It was in that moment that I realized something- yes, many impoverished communities need more doctors and better healthcare, but more than medicine, people need God. They need to know that they can bring their worries and fears to a loving Father. They need to know that they don’t have to carry their burdens alone. They have the same need that we all have, a need to trust in something greater than ourselves and to know we are not alone. We could give that woman all the medicine in the world, and it still wouldn’t fix her problems, it would only numb them. Only God can help her. Only God can help us. When we finished praying, we asked the woman if she would like to talk about what happened during the prayer, and she shook her head no. She smiled, quietly said goodbye, and left. I don’t know what was going on in her mind, or how she is doing right now, or if she is sleeping any better, but I trust she got a glimpse of the goodness of God that day. It’s not the clinic, the doctor, or me that brings hope to the people. The only thing we can do is continually point them to Jesus; something that often seems so small, but it is our simple job. Prayer requests:
Please pray that we would have wisdom to perform the public health project well. In addition, pray that I would continue to develop relationships with the young women and students in the village. Please also keep the village and the local church in your prayers. That’s all the updates for now. Time is quickly flying by! Thank you for your continuous prayers! I’m so thankful to have people supporting me and thinking about me back home. Blessings and Love! I can’t believe that I have already been in Mexico for 2 weeks! I am staying in the home of the doctor who owns the clinic, along with his wife, daughter, and son. They also have a friend staying with them from another village that is helping them reach out to the local community. The accommodations are quite comfortable, and I am adjusting well. So far, I have been very busy here. I have been helping in the medical clinic which is located below the house. The doctor is very active in the community; working in the church and visiting the homes of villagers. When someone needs medical advice, they look for doctor in his home or in the village (it’s not very large, so it’s easy to find him), and we walk over to the clinic together. We don’t sit in the clinic all day waiting for patients, which is nice because we are able to do other work in the community, along with providing medical care. Usually we see 1-2 patients a day, however some days we see up to 6 patients. This might not seem like a lot, but the doctor is on call 24/7, so sometimes these patients will knock on the door at 8am when we are eating breakfast, or 10 pm at night when we are preparing for bed. One of my first projects here was organizing the pharmacy, a small room filled with donated medications and supplies. My job was to sift through the hundreds of medications, disposing of expired pills and organizing the remaining medicine onto shelves. I also cleaned out the room and organized the medical supplies. Another activity I have had the privilege of taking part in each Wednesday is helping to teach three English classes to teenagers in the local school. It is a lot of fun working with the students and helping them to improve their English skills, as well as encouraging them to be confident. These classes are weekly, and I look forward to building relationships with the teens during my time here. Within the church I’ve been honored to take part in the music program, playing keyboard and singing songs in Spanish (to the best of my ability). In addition, I had the wonderful opportunity to teach a small Sunday school class, which was slightly difficult due to my limited (but growing) Spanish skills, however it was extremely rewarding to share about God’s love to the children. We have seen a variety of patients in the clinic over the past 2 weeks, however I would like to share a particularly memorable patient experience:
One night when we were in the church practicing music around 9pm, a teenage boy covered in blood approached the building. He was accompanied by multiple crying and concerned family members. The young man was obviously drunk and had gotten into a fight. He told us that someone had hit him with a broken bottle causing a gash above his left eye. The doctor pulled out his phone and used it as a flash light to get a better look. The cut was deep and about 1.5 inches long; it would need stitches. We walked over to the clinic, which was right next door. I helped the doctor clean the wound and suture the jagged cut together. As I wiped blood off the patient’s face, the doctor shared with the boy that his life has worth and that God has a plan for him. I then had a chance to share that I had come all the way from the United States so I could help in the clinic because I loved Jesus and wanted others to know about His love too. That night the boy left with his wound closed, blood wiped from his face, and hopefully the thought that God truly cares about him and there is more to his life. It was a cool opportunity to speak hope to a patient at a time when they were in a difficult place. I’m learning a lot about life and God continues to amaze me each day. I am extremely grateful for this opportunity and the chance to live among the Pame people. Please pray that I will be able to connect with the members of the community, especially the young women in the village. Thank you for your continued prayers and support! Blessings & Love I have some exciting news...Voy a Mexico! I am going to Mexico!
In August I will be graduating from Physician Assistant School and will take my boards! I will be a real life PA after 5 years of wonderful (& painful) hard work. I decided that before I enter the workforce I want to take some time serving in a medical clinic. If you know me, you know that I've talked about being a missionary for many years. In fact, this desire to do mission work encouraged me to pursue PA school in the first place. I feel that medicine opens doors and is a simple way to help others and show kindness. On this trip, I hope to learn the in's and out's of being a medical missionary. I have been on enough service trips to know that the life of a missionary is by no means easy. At the same time, I don't think I fully comprehend what it means to be a medical missionary. Serving in Mexico for 2+ months, side by side with a Mexican missionary doctor, will give me a glimpse of what it means to serve overseas with medicine. This trip is a way for me to dedicate my future career as a PA to God. It will help me to start off on the right foot, and keep my head in the right place. I look forward to giving back, loving others, and sharing Jesus through medical missions. So yes, In October I will be traveling to Mexico with an organization called WEC International. I will be living in the jungle and serving the indigenous community. I don't fully know what I am getting myself into, but I trust Jesus and know that somehow it will all work out. Thank you for your constant support of my crazy adventures and missions. I would love your prayers! In addition, if you would like to support me you can either reach out to me personally or give through gofundme! https://www.gofundme.com/mexico-medical-missions Love you all! The most important commandment: "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this- Love your neighbor as yourself..." - Mark 12: 29-31 Love your neighbor as yourself. I used to think this was such an easy concept- to love others like you love yourself. I was willing to put others first, to help, to serve people, to speak kind words to those around me. I thought I was being obedient to this commandment. Until one day I realized I was missing an important part of this commandment...I wasn't loving myself. Although I would encourage others- I would tear myself down. I would tell people how beautiful they were- yet I could never see my own beauty. I was quick to lend a helping hand- yet I didn't take time to rest. How could I love my neighbors like myself if I didn't truly love myself? This is a weird concept to talk about. It could be perceived as selfish or prideful. Nevertheless, I think it is important to discuss. Many people suffer with depression, eating disorders, anxiety, poor self image. These same people may also be amazing servants of God- always putting others first. If we don't address what's going on inside, sooner or later it will start showing up on the outside. We need to speak words of encouragement from a place of rest and satisfaction in ourselves. We need to understand our own worth so that we can see the worth in others. We need to truly understand God's love for us before we try to share his love with others. Before you sign up for every activity on the church calendar or volunteer for the next big event. Remember to take some time to check your heart. Remember to treat yourself with compassion. As God opens our eyes to see the needs of those around us, take a moment to look at your heart and notice your own needs. Take a moment to realize how much you need God and how much you also need your neighbors. Love for others should come from a place of love for ourselves. And love for ourselves can only come from the one true authentic source of love. Jesus. So yes love God and love your neighbors. But also don't forget to love yourself, because Jesus loves you too. I spent many years despising various parts of my body. I criticized everything. I was rarely satisfied with the reflection in the mirror.
I started to notice that my self-hate became a distraction. A wall between me and Jesus. You see throughout all these years of not liking my body, I was also growing in my relationship with Jesus. I was falling in love with God and was amazed at the grace He showed me everyday. I was willing to give Him everything -- give Him my life, school, relationships, family, work -- the one thing I held onto was the image in the mirror. And guess what, the one thing that God kept putting His finger on and asking for, was my relationship with my body. It was a battle I fought daily. I wanted to please and serve God, but I didn't want to give up control or surrender the mirror. I was afraid. Afraid of what would happen if I let go. I lived in a continual struggle - wanting to get rid of those chains yet continually holding onto them. I would spend hours scoring the internet for information on how to deal with disordered eating as a Christian. At the same time I would have multiple internet tabs open on how to lose 10lbs in a week. One hand was open and one hand was clenched tight. I didn't know where to turn or who to talk to. One day when the struggle was so real, I decided to give God a chance. To slowly open both hands and see what would happen. I'll tell you what didn't happen. I didn't gain 20lbs the next day because I gave up control. But telling you the truth, I did gain a significant amount of weight over the next couple of months- weight that I needed to gain since I had restricted for so long. And can I tell you something else, when I gained that weight my life didn't fall apart. People didn't stop talking to me. I actually became more comfortable with myself. In fact people started noticing and giving me even more compliments...I guess true joy and peace is beautiful. And the biggest benefit was that I no longer had the wall between me and Jesus. Now I was able to truly give everything over to my Savior. I was able to be open with my struggles. Jesus took me on a journey of healing, patiently leading me, even when I kept falling. I'm still on this journey, learning each day how to trust God. Learning to walk in true freedom and to not be held back by the mirror or society's standards. Don't be afraid to let go, don't be afraid to open your hands, especially when Jesus is there with open arms. - Chantal The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outside of a person. But the Lord looks at what is in the heart. ~ 1 Samuel 16:7 Note: If you are seriously struggling with poor body image or disordered eating don't be ashamed to find a counselor, talk to a pastor at your church, or consult a nutritionist. Personally I talked to a couple people about what I was going through- including a pastor and a nutritionist- and I found it very helpful. Remember that this is all a journey and it's better to find help then to continue struggling. I don't understand why there is so much pain in this world. So much hurt.
When I hear a sad story, I take it on. I feel the burden in my heart and I carry it. Sometimes I don't even realize it's there, but then it slips in and out of my mind and I can't deny it. Why does my heart feel heavy?. Oh, because this friend feels lonely, or because there are Syrian refugees, or because it feels like the world has lost it's love. Every little thing gets trapped in my mind. Is that unhealthy? Is that the father's heart? Am I trying to take things into my own hands? Am I not trusting? Who stills the roaring of the seas, The roaring of their waves, And the tumult of the peoples. ~Psalm 65:7 *hint*...it's God Did you catch that? Only God can calm the seas. Only God can somehow make something that seems so wrong into something beautiful. God is in control. It's hard. My heart still hurts. But I have to trust. It's not my job to take on the burdens of the world. Who do I think I am? I'm a little wildflower, here today & gone tomorrow. My only job is to trust. Keep my eyes on God. God, I want to help. I want to help the hurting people in this world. Please show me how. Please let my life be centered around serving You & serving others. The other day I came across an old journal entry. It was dated March 4, 2016, exactly one year ago from today. I wrote the journal entry during one of my darkest times and I titled it, "I feel empty". In it I discussed many things. I told God that I wasn't happy and that I didn't understand why. I told him that my life felt out of control. I told Him that I obsess over food and that it was the only thing I felt like I had control over. I wrote down my fears about Graduate school and how I was terrified of the stress it would bring. I felt tired of everything. I felt confused. My dad was worried about work, my brother was thinking of joining the Marines, my mom was stuck in a difficult job. My life felt mundane and I felt no hope. ... It is a year later. School is so so so hard, but I'm happy. Dad and Mom have new jobs, my brother is away training for the Marines and I feel peace. I didn't want to share this. I didn't want to talk about one of the most vulnerable times in my life or share about my struggles with my body and food. But then I realized that this isn't me anymore. Food is no longer the most important thing in my life. Stress does not control me and I am filled with happiness, despite the craziness around me. I'm saying all this because I know there are other people out there that feel empty and hopeless. People that feel like they are in a dark hole. I FELT THAT WAY. Me, happy, smiley, Chantal felt like I was in a dark pit and could not get out. Even though my face always showed happiness, I felt nothing inside. But now God has filled me with peace and love and joy. And He wants to fill you with peace and love and joy. I know, it all sounds hippy dippy, but I'm telling you it's real, God is real, and he sees you where you are. I look back over the past year and I am AMAZED. God has taken me from my lowest point and has placed me in his arms. LIFE IS STILL CRAZY AND THE WORLD STILL HAS PROBLEMS. But my eyes are fixed on Jesus. Only Jesus can bring hope and only Jesus makes life worth living. This year has been so difficult and it still is difficult, but I am genuinely happy. Even when I have class for hours on end, or when I sleep less than 5 hrs, or when I spend my free time surrounded by GI notes...I know that God is good and that He loves me...and that is enough to fill me with joy. So give it a try. Trust God. Ask Him to take control. Be real with Him. One year ago, I ended my journal entry with this line, "I don't feel happy and I am tired of just waiting, waiting for life to happen." One year later, today, I can truly say that I am happy...and Yes, I am still waiting to see how my life unfolds, but now I wait with anticipation and trust in God. ~Chantal You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. - Isaiah 26:3 P.S. If you ever want to talk, I am here...in a non-cliche way Wanna know a secret?
Sometimes I lose my passion. I know crazy. I forget the desires of my heart. A smoke screen in front of me. It's all a blur. School sucked the life out of me (just being honest) but I know that if I dig a little deeper, the passion is still there somewhere. It's just buried under a pile of junk; a pile of responsibilities, expectations, grades, and stress. Sometimes when I see someone in need, I feel nothing. Which is worse then feeling anything else. It's almost as if I am numb. That's not my heart. That's not me. When I used to see those in need, my heart would yearn. I used to hurt inside. I used to ask God, why? Why is there pain and suffering? But nowadays, sometimes I find myself looking away and moving on with life. That's not me and I refuse to turn into that person. I won't let school take my passion away. I won't let it harden my heart. I need to remember why I am doing all of this. God, why am I doing all of this? Again and again You remind me to keep my eyes locked on You. You tell me nothing else matters. Not school. Not grades. Not even trying to dig up passion. Because real passion is found living life with You. |
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