I spent many years despising various parts of my body. I criticized everything. I was rarely satisfied with the reflection in the mirror.
I started to notice that my self-hate became a distraction. A wall between me and Jesus. You see throughout all these years of not liking my body, I was also growing in my relationship with Jesus. I was falling in love with God and was amazed at the grace He showed me everyday. I was willing to give Him everything -- give Him my life, school, relationships, family, work -- the one thing I held onto was the image in the mirror. And guess what, the one thing that God kept putting His finger on and asking for, was my relationship with my body. It was a battle I fought daily. I wanted to please and serve God, but I didn't want to give up control or surrender the mirror. I was afraid. Afraid of what would happen if I let go. I lived in a continual struggle - wanting to get rid of those chains yet continually holding onto them. I would spend hours scoring the internet for information on how to deal with disordered eating as a Christian. At the same time I would have multiple internet tabs open on how to lose 10lbs in a week. One hand was open and one hand was clenched tight. I didn't know where to turn or who to talk to. One day when the struggle was so real, I decided to give God a chance. To slowly open both hands and see what would happen. I'll tell you what didn't happen. I didn't gain 20lbs the next day because I gave up control. But telling you the truth, I did gain a significant amount of weight over the next couple of months- weight that I needed to gain since I had restricted for so long. And can I tell you something else, when I gained that weight my life didn't fall apart. People didn't stop talking to me. I actually became more comfortable with myself. In fact people started noticing and giving me even more compliments...I guess true joy and peace is beautiful. And the biggest benefit was that I no longer had the wall between me and Jesus. Now I was able to truly give everything over to my Savior. I was able to be open with my struggles. Jesus took me on a journey of healing, patiently leading me, even when I kept falling. I'm still on this journey, learning each day how to trust God. Learning to walk in true freedom and to not be held back by the mirror or society's standards. Don't be afraid to let go, don't be afraid to open your hands, especially when Jesus is there with open arms. - Chantal The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outside of a person. But the Lord looks at what is in the heart. ~ 1 Samuel 16:7 Note: If you are seriously struggling with poor body image or disordered eating don't be ashamed to find a counselor, talk to a pastor at your church, or consult a nutritionist. Personally I talked to a couple people about what I was going through- including a pastor and a nutritionist- and I found it very helpful. Remember that this is all a journey and it's better to find help then to continue struggling.
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