The other day I came across an old journal entry. It was dated March 4, 2016, exactly one year ago from today. I wrote the journal entry during one of my darkest times and I titled it, "I feel empty". In it I discussed many things. I told God that I wasn't happy and that I didn't understand why. I told him that my life felt out of control. I told Him that I obsess over food and that it was the only thing I felt like I had control over. I wrote down my fears about Graduate school and how I was terrified of the stress it would bring. I felt tired of everything. I felt confused. My dad was worried about work, my brother was thinking of joining the Marines, my mom was stuck in a difficult job. My life felt mundane and I felt no hope. ... It is a year later. School is so so so hard, but I'm happy. Dad and Mom have new jobs, my brother is away training for the Marines and I feel peace. I didn't want to share this. I didn't want to talk about one of the most vulnerable times in my life or share about my struggles with my body and food. But then I realized that this isn't me anymore. Food is no longer the most important thing in my life. Stress does not control me and I am filled with happiness, despite the craziness around me. I'm saying all this because I know there are other people out there that feel empty and hopeless. People that feel like they are in a dark hole. I FELT THAT WAY. Me, happy, smiley, Chantal felt like I was in a dark pit and could not get out. Even though my face always showed happiness, I felt nothing inside. But now God has filled me with peace and love and joy. And He wants to fill you with peace and love and joy. I know, it all sounds hippy dippy, but I'm telling you it's real, God is real, and he sees you where you are. I look back over the past year and I am AMAZED. God has taken me from my lowest point and has placed me in his arms. LIFE IS STILL CRAZY AND THE WORLD STILL HAS PROBLEMS. But my eyes are fixed on Jesus. Only Jesus can bring hope and only Jesus makes life worth living. This year has been so difficult and it still is difficult, but I am genuinely happy. Even when I have class for hours on end, or when I sleep less than 5 hrs, or when I spend my free time surrounded by GI notes...I know that God is good and that He loves me...and that is enough to fill me with joy. So give it a try. Trust God. Ask Him to take control. Be real with Him. One year ago, I ended my journal entry with this line, "I don't feel happy and I am tired of just waiting, waiting for life to happen." One year later, today, I can truly say that I am happy...and Yes, I am still waiting to see how my life unfolds, but now I wait with anticipation and trust in God. ~Chantal You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. - Isaiah 26:3 P.S. If you ever want to talk, I am here...in a non-cliche way
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